Saturday, March 03, 2012

The Sound of One Rush Lip Flapping...

Dear Pasty White Old Men of the Republican Party and the Vatican,

On behalf of all women and their uteruses, i would like to ask you why you think you are qualified to determine what we are allowed or not allowed to do with our bodies. Don't you have enough to deal with walking around with that one eyed snake and two furry companions everyday? I bet most of you don't even know what the uterus does or where it really is. Do you really think that Bayer aspirin will work as an effective contraceptive? If so, then why have you not banned it for over the counter use? Do you even know where the ovaries are? What they do? Did you still think the Fallopian tubes are part of the internet invented by Al Gore? Or perhaps they are part of the Bridge to Nowhere in Alaska...

With all the attention and determination you have put into regulating the female body think of what you could really do if you focused that energy elsewhere. I am sure you could find better things to do with your power and money. How about starting by feeding the poor? Finding shelter for the homeless? Healthcare for those who cannot afford it. (Which is most of us in the lower middle class!) Stopping real crimes. I mean REAL crimes, like those crooks on Wall Street, Lobbyist, the Oil Lords, Drug Lords, and all those other holy men who think they are doing the Lord's work by molesting chidren. How about really making the world a safer place. A place where little old ladies can cross the street past sunset. Safe playgrounds, neighborhoods and schools. Find a real solution to global warming because no matter what you say.. it is REAL! (Is it hot in here or is it me? Oh wait it is 60 degrees today and it is March! A year ago today i was shoveling a foot of snow!)
Fix the broken tax system. (Or at least fix the damn pot holes in the street!)

When was the last time any of you boyz were pregnant? Had morning sickness? Bloated? Bled like a pig with debilitating cramps that had you curled up into a fetal position.... every month for let's say 30 years or so? Had a perpetual itchy yeast infection? Bladder infection? Menstrual migraine? Uterine fibroids? Breast cancer? Cervical cancer? Ovarian cancer? A tumor the size of a grapefruit nesting in your uterus? Can you even imagine surviving "The Oh My Goddess I Am Bursting Into Flames Hot Flashes" every day? How about night sweats? Don't even get me started on raging hormones causing acne, constipation, frizzy hair and weight gain!

If you are so concerned with the female body perhaps you could help us by promoting safe and healthy ways to stop our pain, excessive bleeding, bloating, hot flashes, night sweats, puking while carrying a large watermelon inside our bodies. Invent a way for us to be able to wear white pants every day of the month. Give every woman off with pay when she is menstruating or during menopause. Assign special parking spaces for pregnant women. (Do we really need 20 handicapped spaces at every grocery store?) Make acupuncture and alternative medicine available to all women and paid for by those slutty insurance companies that you are in bed with. (Speaking of sluts- may Rush Limbaugh reincarnate as a poor minority woman with 12 children, working at Wal-Mart who has been disqualified for welfare and lives with a perpetual burning, itchy yeast infection.)

Here is a link to boycott the sponsors of the Puff Toad Rush Limbaugh's show. CLICK HERE!)

And remember on voting day 2012..."Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" We are Woman ... hear us roar!

Visit the Planet Calamari Screaming Uterus Shop for politically humorous art at Click Here!

1 comment:

Betty Dew said...

Go, Jeanie, GO!!! WOO-HOOO!!!