Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Henri Matisse

From Wikipedia:
" (31 December 1869 – 3 November 1954) was a French artist, known for his use of colour and his fluid, brilliant and original draughtsmanship. As a draughtsman, printmaker, and sculptor, but principally as a painter, Matisse is one of the best-known artists of the 20th century. Although he was initially labeled as a Fauve (wild beast), by the 1920s, he was increasingly hailed as an upholder of the classical tradition in French painting.[1] His mastery of the expressive language of colour and drawing, displayed in a body of work spanning over a half-century, won him recognition as a leading figure in modern art."

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Happy Festivus! This is one of my favorite holidays as well as one of the funniest Seinfeld episodes ever!

Taken from Wikipedia:

From the Seinfeld Episode "The Strike"
Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller, left, next to Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer) holds the old family Festivus Pole while talking to Jerry Seinfeld (Played by himself).

Type : Seasonal
Significance: A non-denominational holiday to be celebrated by those frustrated or jaded with the commercialism and pressure surrounding the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa season
Date: December 23
Celebrations: Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength, the Festivus Pole

If you do not know what Festivus is or would like to know more about it visit wikipedia

Wishing everyone a Happy Festivus!

Visit the Planet Calamari Shoppe for unusual holiday gifts!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Happy Birthday Frank Zappa!

December 21, 1940 – December 4, 1993

The most important thing to do in your life, is to not interfere with somebody else's life.
1987: Joe Walsh asking Frank Zappa on The Howard Stern Show

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn't find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain ( received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiments" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards". The FSM's commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and NUTRITION.

The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

  1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
  2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
  3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
  4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
  5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
  6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
    1. Ending poverty
    2. Curing diseases
    3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
      I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
  7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
  8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Flying Spaghetti Monster sitings!

It's that time of year again! Pastafarians really know how to decorate for the holidays.

May you be touched by his Noodly appendage. RAmen to all.

To see the latest FSM holiday decorations visit the official Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster site at

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Give Art this Holiday Season!

Purple Squid and Anemones is a whimsical tribute to the artist Henri Matisse by jeanie marie kraft of Planet Calamari. The original Matisse, Purple Robe and Anemomes is at the Baltimore Museum of Art.

To see whimsical art on clothing and other holiday gifts Visit The Planet Calamari Shoppe

Friday, December 05, 2008

Monday, December 01, 2008

Happy Birthday Bette Midler!

"I made a pact with myself a long time ago: Never watch anything stupider than you. It's helped me a lot. "
Bette Midler